to: whoever has the biggest dick

you're boring me to death

I knew you'd open this you dickhead.

But flattery aside, where the fuck did you go? Back to ice-world, where, the cold not withstanding, everything is the same colour as your ass, and/or wants to eat you? Having already dissolved in some fucks digestive tract, I very much don't recommend it.

Hey, you remember when we'd get all fancied up and go to weddings? And stand around and judge everyone who attended? I miss that.  I miss you.

Wanna fuck and/or go get into trouble? I'm sure there's some christening or blind-children's-school-opening we can crash. Please, please, please? I'm so fucking bored.

Love your stupid face.

-E

& i'm already dead

WISE MEN WONDER WHILE STRONG MEN DIE

Some of us have more to do with our lives than comparing dick sizes, Edrei.

(Though whilst we're on the subject, yours is impressive).

I do remember, and I miss you too. But whilst I can't offer you a good fuck or setting fire to an orphanage, there is something you could do.

You could get up off your beautiful ass, waltz through the portal to Halo, and come visit the best bar in the Citadel. It's called the Kraai, and it's owned by yours truly.

Hey, Edrei. Know the best part about it?

We're hiring.

I'll see you soon, I'm sure. Don't get too distracted on the way, and dress as if you care that it's going to be cold.

Yours,
Neron

you're boring me to death

I love you, but you can't afford my day-rate let alone my salary.

But maybe I'll still cum by.

Toodles.

-E

& i'm already dead