you're trying not to tell him you love him, and you're trying to choke down the feeling
A single bright blue darts back and forth, never settling on Sunjata for more than a breath. As if Nate should be the one walking on eggshells, as if he should be the one to feel guilty, of all things. But he does. Sunjata is his, the feeling the first thing to ring out clearly through the bond, and stepping away feels like... failure. Like a concession. Like letting Safrin win.
Already, Nate doesn’t want to go, wants to stay here in his home, with his husband. Growing angrier, and more paranoid, more bitter. It’s for the best. Those feelings can’t take root, won’t grow in his home. He won’t be his father. Not forever. It’s the only answer he can muster, after a long moment of thought, his misgivings, his fear easy to feel through the bond. Just... long enough to know I want to come back. These words come after even more thought, and somehow manage to be even less soothing.
Leaning back into Pemota, Nate hides his face in Sunjata’s shirt once again. I’ll write to you. I won’t disappear. He can’t, he refuses to. I just... Forcing himself to peek out from behind his fabric shield, Nate finally lets his gaze settle squarely on Sunjata, the look taking every ounce of his cracked fortitude. I’m not safe here. I’m not... I’m not happy here, right now.
Already, Nate doesn’t want to go, wants to stay here in his home, with his husband. Growing angrier, and more paranoid, more bitter. It’s for the best. Those feelings can’t take root, won’t grow in his home. He won’t be his father. Not forever. It’s the only answer he can muster, after a long moment of thought, his misgivings, his fear easy to feel through the bond. Just... long enough to know I want to come back. These words come after even more thought, and somehow manage to be even less soothing.
Leaning back into Pemota, Nate hides his face in Sunjata’s shirt once again. I’ll write to you. I won’t disappear. He can’t, he refuses to. I just... Forcing himself to peek out from behind his fabric shield, Nate finally lets his gaze settle squarely on Sunjata, the look taking every ounce of his cracked fortitude. I’m not safe here. I’m not... I’m not happy here, right now.
& you're trembling and he reaches over
and touches you, like a prayer for which no words exist
NATE
