we don't even ask for happiness; just a little less pain
Finn watches her go, rigid and hunched at the edge of the couch, and he rubs at his forehead as she potters about with the mugs. Usually he'd have reached out instinctively to help draw the table closer, his manners overriding any personal feelings, but his mind is too crowded currently to think about it. And so Tobi balances and struggles and eventually gets the tea on the table, Finn watching the steam rise from it. "I don't really want to tell you," he admits, though that doesn't really mean much in the end.
He sits back like he's made of glass, closing his eyes and pretending against all else that there's not the feeling of things pulling at him. "I wish I were still sick. Things made sense, then," he mutters. And it isn't a story with an easy beginning, a middle and an end. And so when Finn starts to speak it's as disjointed as the occasions when it happened - the trip up Apopo and wanting to fly and to fall. Blood and feathers.
His dreams come next - nightmares that Finn has often, hanging from the Falling and watching a broken body below. But these are the dreams he's had with Remi, and so Tobi gets that version instead, switching places, driving the knife in, drowning and drowning...
Then there's the overdose. "I think perhaps I did do it," he mutters, his voice hoarse, though he doesn't reach for the tea. "I don't remember, but it makes sense, doesn't it? I dreamed I was back at Judgement's Needle, receiving my lashes. But the Star must have changed things... I was behind a waterfall. Something was ripping me to pieces. Remi saved me, but I don't think that's how the dream would have ended if Ronin hadn't appeared."
He sits back like he's made of glass, closing his eyes and pretending against all else that there's not the feeling of things pulling at him. "I wish I were still sick. Things made sense, then," he mutters. And it isn't a story with an easy beginning, a middle and an end. And so when Finn starts to speak it's as disjointed as the occasions when it happened - the trip up Apopo and wanting to fly and to fall. Blood and feathers.
His dreams come next - nightmares that Finn has often, hanging from the Falling and watching a broken body below. But these are the dreams he's had with Remi, and so Tobi gets that version instead, switching places, driving the knife in, drowning and drowning...
Then there's the overdose. "I think perhaps I did do it," he mutters, his voice hoarse, though he doesn't reach for the tea. "I don't remember, but it makes sense, doesn't it? I dreamed I was back at Judgement's Needle, receiving my lashes. But the Star must have changed things... I was behind a waterfall. Something was ripping me to pieces. Remi saved me, but I don't think that's how the dream would have ended if Ronin hadn't appeared."
FINN
