when hope and peace begin to fray
Know that daybreak is not far away
Her understanding will always be his in its entirety, regardless of what he deems himself to be worthy of at any given time - a notion she already handily discards most always given the way Deimos views himself - and a little patience and wisdom is far from too much to ask of her. Know that daybreak is not far away
She lets him mull and consider, and does not interrupt when one question turns to two, a winding litany of thoughts. When nothing else is forthcoming, Evie takes her own time to consider. While she doesn't know Hotaru as a personal friend, shared time in the Grounds and in Halo - not to mention her closeness with Deimos himself - is enough to provide insight to form actual opinions from instead of conjecture.
"Because you would not go back to Amalia, would you?" It's a gentle approach, but there's no softening the reality of the words, and she keeps her hand around his comfortingly. "You can't conceive of it, so it's difficult to see the same story play out with an ending you find abhorrent - the basics, of course. Being hurt by someone you loved romantically." And while she can't say who hurt who worse between the four, she isn't sure it matters in the grand scheme of thing. Deimos could be stubborn in his outlooks, so she's not surprised he can't even imagine an alternative aside from utter disconnection. She can't even say she wouldn't do the same.
"But we also don't know their old relationship personally. To her, the good of what once was might outweigh the bad of what came to be - and might entice her to try again if it means feeling that once more." Here, Evie leans her cheek against Deimos' shoulder, pressing a kiss to the cold outer layer of his coat even if he won't feel it. "And that might just be an inherent flaw of hers. Addiction to that feeling. It might not have any deeper reasoning than the desperation to be loved - or to be loved in a specific or familiar way." Deimos had told her offhandedly about Hotaru's dates with another fellow, so she tacks on the addendum, unsure which motivation better suits the Valkyrie. She'd certainly seen enough young women in the Grounds go back to bad boyfriends just because they were familiar, scared to be vulnerable with someone new - though frankly Evie has zero experience with that concept.
As for Halo, Evie shakes her head firmly. This, she has personal experience with - though she worries it might make her own response slightly biased - and she refuses to let Deimos think it had anything to do with him. "You may have been her Warden all this time, but that doesn't mean you kept her here. If she felt confined here, it had nothing to do with you." Evie won't stand by and let him feel guilty, not for this. The ferocity of her tone fades away into silence, letting it sink in properly before she continues. "When I lived in King's End...it was healing for me. You know that." She had needed to find herself, to embrace being Abandoned no matter how horrible it felt to feel left behind by the Gods, and to learn to be Evie instead of Evie Wordsworth. "It needed to happen. I'm glad that it happened. I learned how to be truly happy, and remained that way for some time." Truthfully, she had considered never returning once she had found that peace. Why wouldn't she? "But I realized I was still hiding myself away. And I wrestled with those ideas living side-by-side for season, content, until one day I wasn't. I decided I needed to learn to be happy and around other people again." Looking up at his profile, backlit by the grey of the tundra sky, Evie tries to think of the right way to absolve him of his guilt while clarifying the hurtful words he has clearly been carrying in his chest.
"I don't know Hotaru well. I might be giving her too much credit," she jibes lightly, teasing. Evie certainly doesn't mind taking sides in this scenario, if it didn't mean having to witness Deimos being so torn up about it all. "But sometimes, hiding away from the biggest hurt is the easiest solution." One raised eyebrow makes it clear she means Deimos and his younger propensity for doing exactly that with his own emotions. "I don't think it's unrealistic to believe she was hiding away from the world and creating a safe space for herself at the same time." A space that had grown and flourished beyond the Valkyrie's expectations perhaps.
Evergreen
