Jude
Do you love me like that?
If I keep on driving
Where she might feel relief, no matter how bittersweet or jaded, Jude can only feel empty. He hadn't done anything wrong, and yet it feels like he's losing everything. Like his absence - and the trauma he'd experienced during it - had led to her growing in a direction he couldn't follow. Jude has always known Sohalia was too big and bright to hold in his hands. He wants to be grateful for the time he'd been allowed to try, but instead, he just feels hollow and cold. Like she took all that light with her already. If I keep on driving
Her apologies feel worse somehow. Jude bows his head slightly, dark curls shadowing his eyes as he stares down at his untouched plate. He doesn't feel hungry anymore.
He wants to say it's okay, I don't blame you, I forgive you, but he finds that he can't. It would be a lie. But he doesn't want to hurt her anymore either, so he simply stands quietly and goes through the motions of pushing his chair back in neatly. "I'm not sorry. It was the happiest I've ever been." Maybe that will be enough to comfort her without having to lie. Somehow, though, the truth hurts worse - like razorblades coming up his throat. Giving her a wan smile, he takes what few things he had brought to her house the night before, and lets himself out the front door. He doesn't want to say goodbye. He's never been allowed them before, and he doesn't think he's strong enough to withstand the weight of the unfamiliar word because of it.
Would you hold me when we crash?
Or would you let me go?
Or would you let me go?
