HARPER
The cocksure expression dissipates, but somehow the genuine focus and intrigue is more devastating, and Harper turns his hand slightly to more comfortably rest beneath the Flood’s. Even platonically this cuts through him like a knife. Hadama isn’t the physical sort, but he’s also Harper’s only close friend. Harper is a man meant for close and gratuitous physical contact, and he aches like he’s been starved for it for years.
“I can’t get them to work together. I can’t push for harder defenses or - or riskier changes.” Changes that Hadama would push back against if no one else. Changes that would invite Safrin’s ire, yes, but wouldn’t that be worth it if it meant keeping everyone safe? His free hand rubs hard over his face, still struggling with the bitter feeling of cowardice and shame in his throat.
“How do I stop feeling responsible for all of them?” It’s a mumble to himself more than Sunjata, a quiet expression of helplessness. “Flora - gods, she hates me, but I wish I could convince her to leave. To come to the Refuge. I wish I could convince them all to come this time. The entire region.” No matter how impossible that would be, how difficult to coordinate. “Because I was there during the war. I helped fight the Kingmaker. And I know how many fighters we’re losing by the day.” Moving away, slipping out of Torchline without a sound. Friends and faces both familiar and unknown. “If something like that comes again, it won’t be stopped next time.” The hand on his face goes into his hair, pulling helplessly.
“She was almost in tears, telling us we were stupid for having to continue our quest. She lost more than most in Torchline during the war. And I can’t help her - can’t help any of them.” And now he’s running like a coward. All because he ran out of options. “What does loyalty to Safrin matter when she’s gone? When we can’t even dream of stepping a toe out of line, insult her by bit finishing our quest and pursuing a new one?” He’s frustrated and it’s plain through the bond, spilling over everywhere. “I only know half of your feelings about her but I just - I can’t stop thinking about it. All of it.” His eyes fall to the glasses around him, expression sadder than he thinks he’s ever felt on his own face. “And I just wanted to stop thinking.” So here he is.
“I can’t get them to work together. I can’t push for harder defenses or - or riskier changes.” Changes that Hadama would push back against if no one else. Changes that would invite Safrin’s ire, yes, but wouldn’t that be worth it if it meant keeping everyone safe? His free hand rubs hard over his face, still struggling with the bitter feeling of cowardice and shame in his throat.
“How do I stop feeling responsible for all of them?” It’s a mumble to himself more than Sunjata, a quiet expression of helplessness. “Flora - gods, she hates me, but I wish I could convince her to leave. To come to the Refuge. I wish I could convince them all to come this time. The entire region.” No matter how impossible that would be, how difficult to coordinate. “Because I was there during the war. I helped fight the Kingmaker. And I know how many fighters we’re losing by the day.” Moving away, slipping out of Torchline without a sound. Friends and faces both familiar and unknown. “If something like that comes again, it won’t be stopped next time.” The hand on his face goes into his hair, pulling helplessly.
“She was almost in tears, telling us we were stupid for having to continue our quest. She lost more than most in Torchline during the war. And I can’t help her - can’t help any of them.” And now he’s running like a coward. All because he ran out of options. “What does loyalty to Safrin matter when she’s gone? When we can’t even dream of stepping a toe out of line, insult her by bit finishing our quest and pursuing a new one?” He’s frustrated and it’s plain through the bond, spilling over everywhere. “I only know half of your feelings about her but I just - I can’t stop thinking about it. All of it.” His eyes fall to the glasses around him, expression sadder than he thinks he’s ever felt on his own face. “And I just wanted to stop thinking.” So here he is.
this is your ocean, an ocean of night
BASE INSPIRED BY ODD <3
