I lend everyone my ear, but nobody my heart
and I sure would like to change that, but I don't know where to start
and I sure would like to change that, but I don't know where to start
Sparing a chuckle that she vainly tries to not let turn into a cackle for his suffering, Hotaru indulges in the humor for as long as she can, because she knows what he is going to ask. She has asked herself the same since George's departure and come up empty-handed each time.
"I can't tell," she admits softly, the brisk wind touching her cheeks from so high above the ground and keeping her from sliding too far into those emotions and memories. "It's hard to trust my gut feelings these days. I feel I've made so many mistakes that I can't any longer." So how is she to know whether what she's feeling is lack of chemistry or something more sinister? Something like being addicted to the hurt and the pain of an ill-fitting, explosive relationship? "Sometimes I do feel he is rather plain; few goals or dreams. But is that reason enough for how I feel? Or am I to blame?" Now she's mostly speaking aloud, but Deimos has always been privy to her innermost thoughts, there is nothing she seeks to hide from him (aside from perhaps the steamy bits).
Taking another sphere out, she merely holds it in her hand, examining it idly. The frost does not hurt her fingers as they should given the Academy's blessing, which is another thing to marvel at. "I don't either. I don't think I could withstand it," she answers frankly, aware that for how incredibly far she has come since the war, she is still fragile. Breakable. And Sunjata has always held the key to the most delicate pieces of her upon which to wreak havoc and hurt her more than anyone else. But that's also why she misses him, why she wants his friendship once more - that intimacy could be a positive thing if they both merely tried. But how is she supposed to communicate that to Deimos? "I can only hope that things will be different. Maybe that opens me to hurt again, but the only other option is to close myself off from the healing that forgiveness and companionship can offer." Huffing, she spins the sphere in her fingers before lobbing it bare-handed at the wall just to feel the physicality of it. "Or maybe I'm just being delusional in my optimism. I don't know." But she'd rather try, lest she forget how to hope for good things at all.
"I can't tell," she admits softly, the brisk wind touching her cheeks from so high above the ground and keeping her from sliding too far into those emotions and memories. "It's hard to trust my gut feelings these days. I feel I've made so many mistakes that I can't any longer." So how is she to know whether what she's feeling is lack of chemistry or something more sinister? Something like being addicted to the hurt and the pain of an ill-fitting, explosive relationship? "Sometimes I do feel he is rather plain; few goals or dreams. But is that reason enough for how I feel? Or am I to blame?" Now she's mostly speaking aloud, but Deimos has always been privy to her innermost thoughts, there is nothing she seeks to hide from him (aside from perhaps the steamy bits).
Taking another sphere out, she merely holds it in her hand, examining it idly. The frost does not hurt her fingers as they should given the Academy's blessing, which is another thing to marvel at. "I don't either. I don't think I could withstand it," she answers frankly, aware that for how incredibly far she has come since the war, she is still fragile. Breakable. And Sunjata has always held the key to the most delicate pieces of her upon which to wreak havoc and hurt her more than anyone else. But that's also why she misses him, why she wants his friendship once more - that intimacy could be a positive thing if they both merely tried. But how is she supposed to communicate that to Deimos? "I can only hope that things will be different. Maybe that opens me to hurt again, but the only other option is to close myself off from the healing that forgiveness and companionship can offer." Huffing, she spins the sphere in her fingers before lobbing it bare-handed at the wall just to feel the physicality of it. "Or maybe I'm just being delusional in my optimism. I don't know." But she'd rather try, lest she forget how to hope for good things at all.
Hotaru
