responsibilities

Sohalia

And I could hear the thunder and see the lightning crack
All around the world was waking, I never could go back

She wondered if it was the Harper in him, the need to soothe and nurture. It was something that she loved about him, but whenever he set his own anxieties aside to soothe hers, it invariably made her feel guilty. She never wanted to take advantage of that sweetness, and yet it seemed that today that was exactly what she was doing.

She wasn't sure what she hoped to accomplish by telling him about Koa, except that the weight of one secret between them was too much for her to bear, and even if she'd technically told the truth, they were more than that. Theirs was a relationship built on open communication and vulnerability; when they'd first met, she'd been more vulnerable with Jude than she'd been with anyone else in her short life, and it was perhaps the thing she valued most about their relationship.

"No, Jude -" she started, dismayed that he would find a way to feel guilty about something that she'd done. "- that's not -" Except it was true that Jude's existence had taken Soh away from Koa. "I put myself in a hard place," she told him. "It wasn't your fault." If anyone was to blame, it was Phoebe, actually; it was her advice that Soh had been following at the time.

While Soh and Jude normally traded anxiety and calm, in this particular situation, they only seemed to be feeding off one another's worries. As Soh descended once more into distress, so, too, did Jude. His attempt to make her smile succeeded, but she could tell that it was strained. As for being young, she wrinkled her nose and shook her head. "Well, if we're making crazy life decisions while we're young, it's your turn," she said with a watery chuckle. "I think I've used up my quota."

Cause all the walls of dreaming, they were torn wide open
And finally it seemed that the spell was broken