Harper
Anything beautiful, people want to break
And you are beautiful, I'm afraid
And you are beautiful, I'm afraid
Her sigh feels patronizing, and though her touch is a comfort, the words that come tie his insides into knots. And that dark, awful, tar-like beast inside (fed, finally fed with all that horrible drink he'd had) rears its head, forcing him back up on his feet, ripping out of her hold. "You don't get it!" he cries through gritted teeth, and kicks the coffee table so hard it splinters. Breath comes fast through his nose, anger and grief spiraling like noxious fumes up and into his brain. "All anyone has ever done is tell me what they think is good for me! And I went along with it every single time, and where did that get me?!" The slurring seems to disappear now that anger has gripped every syllable, allowing him vocal clarity at the cost of his mind.
"I left the Grounds for you, left all my friends behind so I could support you." Kiada, Loren, Oliver, Maea, Lily. All of them gone or dead. "I worked at the Haulani because you started it. I talked to so many people to try and change my biases about our relationship so that I could stop breaking your heart!" Another kick and the top piece of the table buckles, leaving it crumpled on the floor. "Then you disappeared, and Maeve asked me to be on her council, so of fucking course I did! And I raised Jude as best I could until she told me I couldn't do it alone anymore!" And he had been so heartbroken, so lost, so tired, that his best friend - the only friend he'd had left - had inserted herself into his life only to leave him lost again a year later.
"I stayed to defend Torchline so she could go to the Draig! I didn't go after Edmund because she wanted to! I became Hadama's councilman because he asked me to!" Standing over the ruins of the table, broad shoulders heaving like an enraged bull, Harper tries to reign in that horrible rage that tastes like blood on his tongue. Monster. Monster. You're being a monster again, Harper. You were always going to show your hand eventually.
"Did you think maybe I don't want to go because it still hurts to see you? That I already feel selfish not moving for Jude's sake, because I'm putting my own broken heart above giving him more family time?" And now Maeve's disappearance had done that more firmly than Harper ever could have, all because he'd chosen wrong again. Always following his misled heart. "When does it get to be me? When do I get my happy ending? When do I come first?" He staggers away from the destroyed table, hands finding the back of the empty couch beside it and bracing his arms there, head hanging between as his body goes through the turmoil of such an unexpected outburst. One that had been building for a very, very, very long time.
"I left the Grounds for you, left all my friends behind so I could support you." Kiada, Loren, Oliver, Maea, Lily. All of them gone or dead. "I worked at the Haulani because you started it. I talked to so many people to try and change my biases about our relationship so that I could stop breaking your heart!" Another kick and the top piece of the table buckles, leaving it crumpled on the floor. "Then you disappeared, and Maeve asked me to be on her council, so of fucking course I did! And I raised Jude as best I could until she told me I couldn't do it alone anymore!" And he had been so heartbroken, so lost, so tired, that his best friend - the only friend he'd had left - had inserted herself into his life only to leave him lost again a year later.
"I stayed to defend Torchline so she could go to the Draig! I didn't go after Edmund because she wanted to! I became Hadama's councilman because he asked me to!" Standing over the ruins of the table, broad shoulders heaving like an enraged bull, Harper tries to reign in that horrible rage that tastes like blood on his tongue. Monster. Monster. You're being a monster again, Harper. You were always going to show your hand eventually.
"Did you think maybe I don't want to go because it still hurts to see you? That I already feel selfish not moving for Jude's sake, because I'm putting my own broken heart above giving him more family time?" And now Maeve's disappearance had done that more firmly than Harper ever could have, all because he'd chosen wrong again. Always following his misled heart. "When does it get to be me? When do I get my happy ending? When do I come first?" He staggers away from the destroyed table, hands finding the back of the empty couch beside it and bracing his arms there, head hanging between as his body goes through the turmoil of such an unexpected outburst. One that had been building for a very, very, very long time.
But I would love you in any form you take
